The following topics can be found under Miscellaneous Memorial Issues:
Something personalized is always preferred, but certainly these phrases can assist:
“I am sorry for your loss”
“My deepest sympathies to you and your family”
“Thinking of you, and wishing you strength and comfort at this difficult time”
“So sorry to hear about your [mother\father\brother\sister etc]. [Blank’s name] was also so important and influential in my life, particularly when I was growing up\an adult\looking for a job, etc, and they helped by steering me in the right direction…”
“Please accept my warmest condolences. I hope you know that I am here for you at this difficult time.”
“My heartfelt condolences to you and your family”
“I feel honoured to have known your [father\mother\sister\brother etc]’
For what not to say, there is an interesting article on www.everplans.com called How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say.
In general, sincere condolences go a long way in making someone feel cared about and supported. Focus should always be on the grieving family, but a happy memory or special moment shared with the deceased can also be referenced.
Many of the matters involved in writing a memorial announcement mentioned in section vii above are relevant to this section as well.
The thought of possibly writing your own obituary is a jolting experience. Most people have no interest in talking about death, much less their own. While this site is designed more for planning one’s legacy, providing some guidance to those grieving by way of assistance with your obituary or eulogy may alleviate some of the stress at this most difficult time. It also offers you the opportunity to suggest what you might want people to remember about your accomplishments, and can provide clarity about your life.
You may find that writing your own obituary or eulogy brings, in a strange way, a kind of comfort and clarity in that it acts like a sort of accounting of your life. Margalit Fox, a New York Time Reporter, once said that “Obits have nothing to do with death, and everything to do with life.” Writing an obituary or a eulogy for and about yourself can act as a good measure of your progress in life. If there is something that you would rather have experienced differently, there’s still time to change it.
Over time, some of your accomplishments may seem noteworthy, for which you may feel joy, hope and pride, and others may lose their appeal and may not seem worthy of mention. What is important to you may change over time; some for the positive, like marriage, watching your kids grow up, and others may have negative reminiscences, like divorce or the death of others.
That said, you might consider starting with the basics, including: your age, and home, survivors, achievements, work or school, community involvement, and in general, how people might remember you. There are many internet sites that can assist in at least getting you started in writing a Eulogy. Two of these are: www.humanists.uk (What is a Eulogy and How Do I Write One?) and www.eulogygenerator.com (Eulogy Examples:50 Eulogies To Inspire Your Own).
Some inspirational ideas:
Some things that could be included:
In the discussion above (section iv), where we talked about “Planning a Memorial”, a very short explanation was made setting out what “green burials” are.
In short, natural burial is the interment of the body of a dead person, which is not embalmed, in an eco-friendly casket such that it does not inhibit decomposition. Burial may take place in a conventional modern cemetery, or in a green cemetery, or natural burial ground that uses eco-friendly methods. Concrete liners are not used, and often trees or shrubs are used in place of headstones.
Other elements of green burials include ecological restoration and conservation, where the surface of the gravesite is allowed to settle before being restored with locally species of grass, flowers, shrubs and trees, where the burial site is protected and preserved. Memorialization, as mentioned above should be simple and visually appropriate to the site, with the intention that the burial site as a whole becomes a living memorial to the person interred therein. Lastly, is the idea that the cemetery itself will optimize the land it occupies. In this respect, there is generally minimal infrastructure, like roads, and pragmatic grave dimensions that maximize interment capacity.
Natural burial is legal in Canada. In fact there is a Natural Burial Association, with a website: www.naturalburialassociation.ca, which discusses most common questions that may come to mind. This site also discusses ceremonies and celebration of life memorials. Another site worth visiting is: www.greenburialcanada.ca.
After a cremation, crematoria are required to safely store the ashes in a durable container with a lid. You will have the option to choose an urn, a box, or another container. You may want to view the ashes beforehand to prepare you for any emotional response you may have.
Some people prefer to have their ashes scattered in a favourite place, or a memorable location. The first thing to do would be to determine if it’s legal to do so. Planning the event has similar attributes to a conventional ceremony. It can include readings or poems, music, sharing memories, and releasing the remains. Think about what to say when scattering the ashes, and who will do so.
Since there are no particular requirements for a ceremony of this nature, creative ideas prevail. Some of these include setting off fireworks, letting the wind prevail, sprinkling them onto a bonfire to symbolize rebirth, an airplane release, releasing paper lanterns while scattering the ashes, letting water take them away, or releasing butterflies to symbolize serenity and hopefulness.
Whatever route you take, it’s a good idea to choose someone to lead the ceremony. That person can either just keep things moving forward, and determine the order of events, or they can take a more active role, such as releasing the remains or giving a eulogy. There are companies that can help with this process, if for no other reason than to relay their past experiences. We suggest that you visit www.perfectmemorials.com which provides more ideas and an excellent checklist for this process.
If people are expected to speak, make sure that they know ahead of time what is expected of them, so that they can be prepared.
Remember, always pay attention to the direction the wind is blowing!
Music can be a comforting experience during a funeral. There are many websites suggesting “Top Ten Funeral Songs”, Popular Songs and Reflective Music for Funerals” and “Songs to Play at a Funeral”. Ultimately, if the deceased suggested nothing in their Letter of Wishes, you may just decide to play something that would honour them, is reflective of their personality, or uplifting songs that resonate with the spirit of remembrance, hope and celebration of life. Examples of appropriate music abound on the internet when you look up this topic.
Music is a universal unifying medium that joins mourners and speaks for them in addition to the words being spoken. It stimulates acknowledgement of the reality of death, and provides an effective moment for people to think about their loss. In addition to activating empathy and support, it can elicit memories of time shared with that person. In this way it acts as a healing presence.
